You Have A fet--- For A Medical Condition?

[(deleted)]

I want self-described "TG Admirers" and consumers of ------- ---- in general to think about how they approach male-to-female transsexuals for a minute.

Imagine you that were born with a congenital deformity that could be corrected surgically, but that you hadn't had the operation yet.

Maybe you couldn't afford the medical costs. Maybe there were risks of complications from the surgery that meant you couldn't have it performed or wouldn't want to risk it.

Maybe the operation could be provided by the state in your country, but there was a long waiting list for treatment.

Imagine how weird it would be to encounter people who thought that your congenital deformity was HOT.

So hot in fact, that they even referred to you in terms of your deformity. You would encounter them on chat rooms devoted to congenital deformities. They would pop in and say things like:

"Anyone with a withered hand in Nebraska?"
"Any cleft palates in Baltimore wanna pvt?"
"22 yo female looking for a hair lip LTR in London."
"I'm a first-timer in Scotland. Never done this before. Just curious."

They loved your deformity so much that they even wanted to kiss it.

Weirdly, many of these Deformity Admirers would strongly deny their attraction to your deformity. They might say odd things like:

"I'm looking for the total package. A tall, handsome, good-hearted man with a steady income and a congenital deformity."

"Men with congenital deformities are more masculine. They try harder."

As a pre-operative trans woman, I have encountered plenty of guys on-line who were no less weird than these hypothetical Deformity Admirers.

Like me for any personality trait, physical characteristic, shared interest or value that you want.

But if your attraction to me revolves around my medical pathology, I'm afraid that you're not what I'm looking for.

[(deleted)]

`Hi ruralts,

I love reading your posts- you don't mince words.You make a lot of sense:)

Kind regards,

Bianca

[gavincornwall]

`I like your intresting points you put across there, and they are very valid indeed, I wonder thou, how does one tell the type of person you are thou. As all know everyone is differant , and its hard to define an individual to one banner. As there are some trans girls out there, who havent had the operation, are only half way througth there transation, thou are perfectly happy to staty the way they are. So called -------'s.
My question is really, and you must think how is anyone suppose to know what a person is like, without asking?
I got to agree with you, there are allot of guys that are complete and utter @ssh*les. Unfopurteenly there are some in world that dont respect others, and just think of them selves. Not all of us are like that.

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[leeshanthing]

`I hate my fetish. I don't like it any more than you do but at this point, Iv'e been unable to get help. No one seems to really understand. I can' talk to a therapist or anyone without them telling me what they think my s----l orientation really is or how I should learn to accept myself.

I don't talk that much about my s----lity anymore. It makes it easier now that I'm in a long term relationship but its still something that depresses me.

[(deleted)]

`There's a difference between a fet--- that treats people as objects without their consent to it and a desire for more than just the use of a trans* individual as a human S-- toy which may include dating or even just friendship, which would be nice for once.

I'm also very frustrated by this type of thing, I don't like for strangers to come on to me ONLY for my gender, it's only one piece of me.

[unbridledfire]

`@ gavincornwall: yes, while it may difficult to define an individual to one banner, I think the OP was speaking of what's happening under ONLY the TS banner..and how TS feel specifically, regarding this well tracked issue. I know the posted question is more than a year old, but felt you deserve an answer your question of how does one tell?

The answer is typically this: If she wants you to know, you'll know. Otherwise don't carry on like you're going there. If you wouldn't walk up to a gg and ask her for personal information about her body, why do it to a transwoman, right?

In my experience the general public often thinks it "fun and interesting" conversation, but I've generally felt it's like asking a wheelchair bound person if they're ever going to walk again..or what kind of disability do they have? Paraplegia or MS or were they hit by a car or what? Neither are such lighthearted conversation.

I've always been polite, I feel pushed into a conversational corner and mentally probed and I usually hate it. Lately I just don't even answer..I carry the conversation in a different direction or speak generally about the TS population..but really.

I must say that I DO understand the quandary the uninformed men who are interested in TS must face. Navigating getting to know me has not been easy for the few that have been near me. So to someone who has not been educated about it (and it's eduction we're talking about here), there are pitfalls, sorry.

But the general rule is treat her as you would any female. If you become close enough and there's something she wants you to know about her, you'll be informed. IF it's a deal breaker to know right away, before anything....then just move on ~ she's not for you.

And ------- is never good term. It's considered derogatory.