Help for transgendered (Ftm)

[1mads26]

Ok so basically I'm sure I'm transgendered. I'm a very pretty girl and everything too.. but the past 6 months ive been "trying to figure out whats wrong with me" which Im pretty sure I've hit what it is. I know I must act different at home now.. (its the only time I get to relax as myself) but nobody wants to be around me anymore. None of my family. I have no friends now. I need to move out and start my life over but I cant even do this considering its such an obstackle for me to get a job! I'm stuck in a fat hole and nowhere to go. I've semi got the feeling of this new view on life I could have. But I like being me too (meaning how my body is now).. But I cant even talk to anybody without being scared all the time. I get panic attacks.. I'm a nervous wreck with nobody to turn to. It's just gotten to the point where I have nobody right now anyways so whats there to lose? I'd love some feedback.. any advice or just somebody to talk to.. email me on here or my regular email is

Very much appreciated

No personal Information in the forums.

[(deleted)]

Hi,

I read your post and I must say don't give up. Its hard to meet people these days no matter who you are. I can appreciate the fact you want to relax and be who you are and that is all anyone wants. I posted a story Once upon a time....and its about letting go. Sometimes everyone in our lives bail on us and its not because of who we are, but everyone might be on a shaky bridge and have to save themselves. As a hetrosexual, its incredably hard to meet strong people. I was on a dating site called cupid and while I could eventually find a date, most didn't last beyond a second date. I did meet someone who I had a long distance relationship for over a year, but it fell apart as well. I was married for 17 years. I am stable in a relationship and demonstrate monogomy in a devoted way, but its hard to find that in return. There is no perfect relationship. Its mutual respect and caring for the others feelings that makes things work. What I find is many times women are looking for the BBD, the bigger and better deal. For 17 years I was the BBD, but when I became over 40 and faced with making a career change, she made a change. Together we had a great life, had great credit and complimenting careers. So long as all that stayed, she stayed and I didn't know how she really felt. I guess she never loved me. So, I am out looking for someone who is able to love, not just need me. I can appreciate your panic attacks and keeping yourself alone until you figure out what you want to do. You will know when you are ready. I have found here on this site that many of the women are very shy. They don't just openly trust and that's a good thing in my opinion. Its better to be safe than sorry. I believe that someone who is willing to change everything about themselves to become a beautiful woman, attracts me, because I am attracted to women. The desire to work so hard to become one, because that is who you are inside, is very attractive to me. That's how I feel about it and those on this site are to be praised for their honesty. I could only imagine how it might be for someone who entered into a relationship without being honest about the transformation with the wrong person. Things may not turn out very well in that situation. I have written many beautiful women on this site and those who are responding to me think I live too far away. I am speaking to one who is much younger than myself and I think we are becomming good friends. Trust is important to me. While everyone on this sight may not be worthy of trust, some are and beginning a relationship through email and taking it slow and being careful doesn't sound like a bad way to begin. At least opeining up a little bit through email can give you something to look forward to when coming home to an empty home. As for looking for a job, that is also hard no matter who you are. Personally, I hate intervews and it seems a criminal background check should answer all the questions they may have, but managers like to ask some pretty stupid quesitons. Interviwing for Merk, Eli Lilly and some of the other huge pharmaceutical companies was a nightmare for me. I am a very personable person. The only thing you can do is keep going forward and try to keep a positive attitude. If you don't meet someone right away, don't worry about it. Keep looking for a job though, I think you are very good looking and if you keep trying, you will find something. College is also a good decision.

Chris

[jennyo]

Because being transsexual is often so hurtful, so filled with sadness and longing, with shame and loss and difficulty, it is easy to come to the conclusion that the whole thing is utterly a curse, perhaps inflicted by arcane and evil ancient gods.
But there is an upside too.
Most human lives are utterly mundane, devoid of any real uniqueness; the average person somnambulates through an existence devoted to filling the roles expected of them.
Consider. We are given many gifts in compensation for the terrible loss of our childhood as ourselves, and for the pain we endure. We are by some as yet unknown mechanism statistically far more intelligent, as a class, than perhaps any other kind of people. We are almost universally more creative, and we often possess incredible levels of courage and self determination, demonstrated by our very survival, and ultimate attainment of our goal. We are rare as miracles, and in our own way, as magical, or so has been the belief of all ancient cultures on the earth.
We are given awareness that others would never experience, understanding of gender, of the human condition, of society and the roles and hidden rules unquestioned within it. We are given a window into the lives of both sexes, and cannot help but be, to some degree, beyond either. From this we have a rare opportunity: to choose our own life, outside predetermined and unquestioned definition or role. We can do new things, original things, only because our experience is so unique.
Our brains and bodies gain benefit from having been bathed in and altered by the hormones of both sexes. We appear to retain our visible youthfulness where others wrinkle, and for years longer. We possess neural advantages from both sexes, we are shocked into waking up, and if we allow it, to a life we create for ourselves...we are not automatically doomed to sleepwalk through life.
We can live lives of success and love, and genuine special ness, if we choose. If we can get past our upbringing, past the programming, the bigotry, the messages of disgust from the culture around us, if we can stand as ourselves in freedom, then our special gifts grant us a heritage of wondrous power.
We have a proud and marvellous history. In ancient days we were magic incarnate. We were Nadle, Winkte, Two-Souls, Shamans and healers and magical beings to our communities. We possessed the ability to give the blessings of the gods and spirits, and were prized as companions, lovers, and teachers.
To be transsexual is not easy, and it is not a birth that could be envied, but neither is it damnation. It was once considered a rare wonder, if a mixed one.
And in the modern age, of hormones and surgery, we are the first generations of our kind to finally know the joy of complete transformation, of truly gaining our rightful bodies. No other transsexuals in history have been so fortunate.
We have much to add to the world, and to give to ourselves and those who love us.
Only the world around us has changed, the desert harshness branding us vile. We are still the same.
Our compensations are real, and our lives are special; we have but to grasp the gifts born of our sufferings.
When I look around me at the mundane lives, there are times I think that maybe I am glad I was born transsexual, for I would never have been what I have become without that curse. I cannot help but be grateful for my uniqueness, so I am brought to a strange revelation:
Deep down, I cherish having been born a transsexual

[darkwolf2222]

`I have read the following post, and agree with the writer. I have known from the time I was nine years old that I was attracted to females and always from a man's perpective. I would dress like a guy,talk like one, be a guy. All my straight friends say they can't tell any difference, because it is natural for me . My problem is that I cannot afford the benifits of surgery, nor is there a doctor who will give hormone shots.. I have been in therapy for a long time and my theripst says I am transgender female to male... But it gets harder and harder for me to hang on and there are days that I feel isn't worth going through. I feel that I'm in a non-ending cycle and I can't get off. Any advice out there????

[(deleted)]

`Hey darkwolf,
Where do you live? Have you tried all the MDs in your area or area's near by? Here is a web site. I'm pretty sure you can buy it online, the problem is you won't have a doc to monitor this.

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Also just check this out if you haven't already.

www.thetransitionalmale.com

I hope this helps. I haven't transitioned yet either and its so frustrating, but I will be getting on T in a couple of months. Also there are some great support groups on yahoo from the transtional male called brother to brother. If you need to chat, please send me an email.

TJ

[(deleted)]

Hi dark Wolf
I am an ftm on T for 15 years, i am also a Family Practitioner, so my response is coming from ,both a personal, and professional perspective. My advise is to find an endocrinologist in your area, contact them and tell them that you have been diagnosed with gender dysphoria, and want to star on testosterone. Most, if not ALL Endocrinologists, will give you a 3 month prescription for testosterone, and will teach you. an or someone else, how to administer the shots. There are other routes for administering testosterone, but the shots are the most economical. Please let me kmow if there is anything else i can do to help
Good Luck
derrick 45

[(deleted)]

FYI .. Here is a link to Endocrinologists listed throughout the US
(removed)
Wishing you the peace that I have found after finally transitioning
Derrick

[(deleted)]

`It's really interesting. I mean I wasn't going to post but I got to say. What the poster is going through. I know it all too well. I'm not Transgender, I'm attracted to Transgender, I'm discovering who I am at 26. however the posts in this one thread have really made me think. Maybe the reason why I'm attracted to those who are Transgender isn't so much a s----l attraction, but an emotional one. I'm mentally disabled with a family that believe I need to "Just get over it." So maybe our plights aren't too far apart in the end result. I'm really glad I joined this place now, because I'm starting to get a better understanding of myself.

I just want to say my email here is always open for anyone that just wants to talk. I'd be really happy to be support, even if we're miles and miles away.