confessions (before i let you go)...

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i wanna share a confession that almost broke my heart... the guy who wrote this message for me is Andrew... a guy that i've known from facebook...



for the short while that i've known him... i can say he is one sweet, adorable, great guy...



here it goes... please do leave your comments... thanks!



"(8/25/2008 6:58:00 AM) hey.. yea i wish i cud tell u too but its a lil bit complicated nd im not sure if u wud understand.. i know u wud rili like to know but i not sure if i want u too.. doesnt matter.. juz wanna say goodbye for the last time.. sorry i didnt get to read ur messages earlier.. i wud chat wit u if i was able to but neway, im wishin u cud read dz.. i was supposed to delete my account ryt at dz moment but i realized it wudnt be fair.. to u.. ei.. umm.. juz wanted u to know that im very sorry for the proposal i made during our last conversation.. ur right.. doin that is juz plain wrong.. but the thing is.. i fell for u.. i wish i didnt.. but i did.. so i gez dz is goodbye.. hey.. promise me one thing.. take care of urself.. i know ur smart enuf to not let urself get hurt coz i wudnt want that.. nd also, im rili hopin that we meet each other sumday nd wen dat day comes i wanna see u not less happier than i cud be.. even without you in my life.. im sorry for all the wrong things i have done, if there is any.. im not sure if leavin facebook wud affect u in any possible way but i juz hav 2 say.. ill miss u gina.. nd i hope u wud accept this.. im tryin hard, i really am.. but i think im still in love with you.. it pains me to make this decision but i have to stay true to my word.. hope u wont forget me coz there is no chance in hell i cud evr forget sum1 like u.. you are without any doubt, the girl of my dreams nd if that is the only place i cud evr get to spend time with you den i hope i cud sleep for the rest of my life.. forgive me if i am bein too mushy, maybe too damn corny but hey, this is how i feel nd i juz wanted you to know.. its ok if u dnt have anythin else to say to me after dz, i understand.. but i hope ull read this.. ill miss u gina.. ILL MISS YOU.."

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`Dear Gina,

I am sorry for your loss with this relationship. Good people are hard to find and finding someone who will listen and you can trust with your feelings and knowing intimate things about yourself is even harder to find. It hurts when someone leaves your life. I think over some of the significant relationships in my life and sometimes they pop back into your life and sometimes they don't. Sometimes they drop off the edge of the earth and don't tell you goodbye even when they make promises they will write and will never lose touch. For what its worth, this man took the time to tell you how he felt, which is a positive thing and while he didn't give you all the informaiton, at least he gave you something to remember.

In my life, I have had only 4 meaningful relationships with women and out of those four, only one ever expressed a desire to get back together with me after many months of separation. However, I felt differently. There is only one out of those four who I would like to hear back from and just be friends if that was possible, but she won't and I will never understand why. She told me she didn't deserve me and she didn't deserve to be happy. Actually what happened is she cheated on me and she loved me so much that she was willing to let me go over the greif she caused herself and she didn't want to carry the guilt every time she spent time with me. She told me how no man she had ever been with had ever paid so much attention to her and spoiled her with attention. These were problems she had in dealing with her past relationships that I was somewhat aware of, but thought she was mature enough to let the baggage go, but it was the baggage that caused her to cheat, because she had difficulty trusting men. She told me she loved me and I believed her and I was willing, like I did with my marriage, to over look her moments of weakness and continue to be with her, because I loved her too, but the guilt she had was so great, it was impossible. Every time I contacted her, because we were trying to get past it, she was reminded of what she did to me and it only reinforced in her mind that she didn't deserve me. It was very sad and I still feel sad when I look at the highway that leads to her home town and how happy I was to make the trip to see her. We went very well together. The worse thing about it for me was that I met her after my former wife of seventeen years had left me abruptly over the stress of building a new home and moved in with a coworker, who she was having an affair with. It was like I lost two great loves of my life at the same time, because the new love replaced the mature love and drew me away from appropriately dealing with my losses. Its was like I went through a double loss and it hit me pretty hard.

The positive thing here for you is that you got some closure, that we are lucky to get when we can get it, and the fact you only knew him for a short time. You are a very beautiful woman and I know you may not feel beautiful every minute of every day or see what others see in you. You may be one of those people who are very easy to fall in love with. You seem to have a big heart and care about people and that is a fine quality to have. I am glad you took the time to share what happened. He thought enough of you to say goodbye and you should feel proud that you were able to connect so well and I am sure it will happen again for you.

Von