Be who YOU are, not who you should be!!!

[(deleted)]

I am Chrissie & i have been living a pre-op fulltime female life for a long time now, & i hear many stories of how some transexuals have to still be male because of families & jobs. I want to say that is bogus nonsense, because if you are for real about who you are & who you want to become, then instead of making yourself miserable & unhappy & trying to do the right thing for everyone else, you will drive yourself insane. It may hurt & may cost someone their family or even friends, but why sacrifice your happiness, sometimes you have to lose to win, no matter the cost. Some people understand, some don't. I lost a good man because of my transition, which I've known about since i was 4. That man is my dad. I cannot be a gay male or try to play it straight just for him & his family or how embarrassing it would be, that isn't me, I did this because i knew there was something wrong inside of myself & i didn't hurt my dad or my family on purpose, because if i can change it i would not of gone through the criticism, the hurt, the nasty names in my life that people have said, & yet I'm still here & beat them. I've earned all the respect from people now & its a new millenium & being transgendered is not a disease. Noone should have to hide who they are just to make someone else happy, noone should be contiplating suicide, or mental health issues because of who they want to be. I know some families won't understand, but that is there loss because you know who you are & you are a great person no matter who you want to become, you are still YOU, & the love you have will never change. [/b]

Chrissie

[(deleted)]

hi crissiy,what i loverly letter you have written it is very moving and from your heart.
you go for it girl,i would like to say to you that you are a very buietiful lady.

[(deleted)]

Dear Chrissie,
I entirely agree with you, i could not have said it any better.
My 3 children rejected me totally and referred to me as a poofter. They are adults, so i have taken the attitude that everyone can make their own choices in life, no matter who they are.
I have carried on regardless and present as female full time, i do not placate or justify myself to anyone.
I love your attitude, you match mine to a T.
Hugs Sarah

Love is on every wave of humanity.

[(deleted)]

hi chrissie and congratulations on your positive and strong outlook on life. when blessed and/or cursed with this thing some call transsexualism, life can be oh-so-trying as you have elegantly described in your great post.
you sound like a very together woman and i applaud your spirit.

i started out as a little five year old kid struggling with trying to figure out how to deal with being a girl inside my mind but having a boy body on the outside and the boy body was in pretty tight control of my mind. and then
some thirty years later, in november 2000, god let me out or something because then my mind changed extraordinarily, and me-girl was in very tight control of my mind (but not complete) but still having the boy body. life was reduced to only two choices - 1. die very very soon in the hated boy body or 2. get a sex-change operation. there was nothing else in existence for me.

for the next three years it was like i was being burned alive, i hated my skin so much - it was boy and i am girl. in february 2001 i started female hormones that i self prescribed for myself at a dose of sixty times an
average woman, per day (yes for four months i took 6000 % of the recommended dose)and bought over the internet (usually not a good idea . october 2001 i started living full-time as female, and i was so terrified of being in public as a woman and i knew i looked like a guy in a dress, and my life was so horrible i knew i was going to die, i was hoping i would die, anything just please stop the pain. five weeks later i was on the operating table having the hated boy parts finally chopped off HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and somehow, i didn't die. things were super bad for me through december 2003. and then may 2004 my being, my mind, my heart, my soul, my spirit, transformed into what i term, "100% female". i believe it was due to the beautiful wonderful life-giving estrogen that had been coursing through my body for three years then changing my body and my brain which changed my mind. starting then i became comfortable being who i am and loving who i am - i am a woman. and i am transsexual. now i have lived as female so long that i don't really remember anything else for me. (did someone say something about a boy body? who was that?) and what a wonderful beautiful blessed trip that is. this is. even considering all i had to go through to get here. but wasn't i meant to be right where i am right now from the moment i was born, how could i be do anything else? why would i want to? i am here! and i am a woman! what a trip...

the self-actualizing boy body achieved much in his life (which are my memories of him), but he never could accomplish in almost forty years of life what i have accomplished in my three years of woman life - having all my essence that matters most to me, finally in sync with each other creating one feminine being, moi!

i believe we are all unique human beings with our own minds, hearts, spirits and souls and we all have a lifetime of trillions of moments of experiences that become part of us also. and i for one revel in all this diversity in our womankind (silly men, this talk is for my special girls. men you always want to be in the middle of something, or someone). women of our wonderful exotic kind have so much courage it's ridiculous, we really don't have much choice.

having said way way too much,
huggs to all my special sisters, michelle

note: i do not intend to offend anyone with any of my words here, or any combinations of these same words. ty

[(deleted)]

Hi Chrissie,

Thank you for sharing and I apppreciate much of what you have gone thru. I have been 24/7 for more than a decade. I am non-op, by choice, but I live real world female.

For we transexuals, I totally agree with you, in that we must face our loses and wear them as well as we possibly can. I lost almost all my family and friends 10 years ago, and with the exception of their lose, my life is better. I do disagree with you, in that I did not hurt them because of who I wanted to become. They were hurt because they didn't understand who I am and have always been. They were hurt because tradition didn't recognize or accept us. My mother still loves me, and if my family still bothered to know me, they would love me more than they did before, because I am a better person now. I did do the shrink thing and she was right, transition has improved the quality of my life, and that is what everyone needs, whether we are transsexual or not. For those of us who are transexual, and who can function in society in our perceived roles, everyone who matters must know and accept or reject us, but for transgendered people, who are not transexual or who cannot function in society and "improve the quality" of their lives, the cost is not a need! We are not gay or lesbian. It is not "come out, come out, whoever you are." Our success is melting back into society, not making a statement. Certainly not inviting others to join us whether they are ready or not.

I was born a transexual. I don't think I have any memories so far back as when I was 4, but it never was who I wanted to become. It's always been who I am.

I absolutely agree that other transexuals, who can improve the quality of their lives by going "all in" should go for it! However, transgendered, who are not transexual or transexuals who cannot fit back into the real world, should probably not bet their entire lives on it. Maybe it is societies failure to understand, or maybe it's not. It doesn't matter, because it is what brings each individual the most contentment with life that matters. There are those to whom transgendered is a chacteristic, rather than an identity. They don't need to cost themselves any more than those who have any other alternative characteristics. It would be a "misery loves company" scenario for us to say "come out". What we are is not a preference or fetish. It is an identity, and we must be the first to accept and attempt to understand that fact.

We're not transgendered. We are transexual. Some @ssh*le might shoot me tomorrow, if he or she figures it out, but my life has been better and the world is a better place because I accepted it. My family has lost a better person than they ever knew me to be, but I didn't cost them that, nor did you, yours.

In conclusion, you go girl, and stop carrying that cross about your dad. It wasn't you that hurt him. It was his lack, the general publics lack, of understanding of who we are that hurt him. TS is born TS. There is no decision or want to become. You were born with a cross to bare, don't try and carry his too.

We have lives to live too. Let's live it the best we can!

Tabi

[(deleted)]

I wish i could live full time as a woman but unless i move in with someone thats not gonna happen....

[divagrrrl]

Hello everyone and especially Chrissie =)

I feel all of your pain. Fortunately, I had the love and support of my entire family. They even paid for my surgery and helped introduce me to all of their friends and potential suitors. Unfortunately, I lost my BFF due to my change. She was never able to understand my particular situation, we tried to reconnect after my surgery but I had actually changed for the better. I was a complete doormat during my days as a non-functioning boy (I was born a hermaphrodite but never knew until my late teens). All I ever wanted was love and acceptance from my friends and never received it. They tortured me, beat me up, ran my name thru the mud and made my life so miserable that I tried to end it several times. It was my mother and father who sat me down and explained that they would love and respect me regardless of anything I may be and with that, they gave me the strength to go out and start the process of change. Now, my life is wonderful. I have true BFF's that love and accept me for who and what I am. And with the exception of a love life, I am pretty happy and stable.

In closing, Chrissie, I wanted to say that unfortunately some people are not going to accept you at the moment. Sometimes, with the passage of time, they realize that you are still you and you and your family can hopefully rebuild your relationship. If that doesn't ever happen, remember that the world is full of accepting and loving people that will give you what you have been missing. From one diva to another: KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON

Smooches and XOXO

DIVAGRRRL

[(deleted)]

Chrissie u are a Diva hunn.
Did I write what you wrote? You have echoed me exactly.
Being TS is not a choice but who you are. If you can choose to remain as a male because of your job, family or money then you are not a true TS. It is something that is within you and it will come out, You dont have a choice. You can fight it and you will lose so much more then you would gain. Sure it can be hard to get another job but you can. Yes likely you will lose money but there are better riches to seek in life then money. Family/friends you may or may not lose but you will discover who is a real loving family member and who is a true friend. They are the ones who worry about you more then how they will be judged by you.
I lost my Dad as he died 3 days after i cameout but we were fine as we spoke often in those days; I lost my 2 children and still have; I lost alot of money but found peace and friendship and beauty.
All TS will lose at times and all in different ways but i dont want someones sympathy more appreciate the respect I now get once people take the time to learn and understand. Discrimination to TS is caused mainly by ignorance. I give my respect to those who take the time to learn before they judge.
All TS go through similar things but all TS are individuals and no two are the same. Hey we are humans after all. Some suffer worse then others but in different ways. We arent special. We are just who we are and more open and honest about ourselves then a lot of others.
Well said Chrissie thanks

[(deleted)]

Chrissie u are a Diva hunn.
Did I write what you wrote? You have echoed me exactly.
Being TS is not a choice but who you are. If you can choose to remain as a male because of your job, family or money then you are not a true TS. It is something that is within you and it will come out, You dont have a choice. You can fight it and you will lose so much more then you would gain. Sure it can be hard to get another job but you can. Yes likely you will lose money but there are better riches to seek in life then money. Family/friends you may or may not lose but you will discover who is a real loving family member and who is a true friend. They are the ones who worry about you more then how they will be judged by you.
I lost my Dad as he died 3 days after i cameout but we were fine as we spoke often in those days; I lost my 2 children and still have; I lost alot of money but found peace and friendship and beauty.
All TS will lose at times and all in different ways but i dont want someones sympathy more appreciate the respect I now get once people take the time to learn and understand. Discrimination to TS is caused mainly by ignorance. I give my respect to those who take the time to learn before they judge.
All TS go through similar things but all TS are individuals and no two are the same. Hey we are humans after all. Some suffer worse then others but in different ways. We arent special. We are just who we are and more open and honest about ourselves then a lot of others.
Well said Chrissie thanks

[(deleted)]

You could not be more right! :)

[sashastephens]

I've been a drag performer around the southeast for the last 16 years and have just recently come to terms with the fact that I am transgendered. I have known for as far back as I can remember that there was something different about me. When I came out as a gay male, that didn't really fit either so I found the world of drag. I think I chose that world because it was as close to my true self that I could find without admitting the truth. Well that and the fact that I LOVE the spotlight.

I have been in therapy and on hormones for the last 4 months, however things are going slowly. My therapist and doc keep telling me to take it slow, but I really want things to move quickly. I guess slow but sure wins the race, I'm hoping after a few more months they will speed it up. I am beginning to live full-time on weekends and have been scared to death doing normal everyday things. I thought I was going to hyperventilate the first time I went to Wal-Mart, LOL.

I have come out to friends and co-workers but have not told my family yet. I know it is something that has been discussed because that was the first thing my mom asked me when I told her I was doing drag - "Do you want to be a woman?". I don't think she would've asked me that question if it wasn't something that she had in her mind already. Keep your fingers crossed that things go well when I tell them the truth!

Thanks for sharing your stories and giving me the courage to continue the long and difficult but rewarding journey.

Love and Hormones,
Sasha

[(deleted)]

Hi Sasha,

I wish you all the very best as you continue your journey to become the woman you already are on the insided. I help moderate our local support group and we have all kinds in our group. But, one thing I feel very strongly about is not to rush things. Transitioning from one gender to another is a HUGE undertaking. It kills some people and should not be taken lightly. The best analogy I've found is comparing transitioning to climbing Mt. Everest. People make it to various points on the journdy, like the various base camps on the mountain. Some can't go forward to reach the summit. Some die on the mountain. Very few actually make it to the summit and it is usually with a great deal of support from Serpas, guides, oxygen bottles, shelters, etc.

When we transition we also need a great deal of support. We can get that from other trans people, from friends, from family, from support groups, insurance, etc. We can't do it all alone.

I think the biggest mistake trans people make is placing demands on their freinds and family to "accept me as I am". When we finally utter the words and tell our deep dark secret it can be extremely liberating to finally have it out in the open. But guess what? It is usually a big surprise or even a shock to many of those who know and love us. I have found that if I give as much love and patience as I would like in return, then people eventually come around and become a supporter. I have realized that my family and freinds must also "transition" in their own minds. They have many years of memories and images of this person who they thought they knew. Now they must create all new memories and images of a new person. That will take time. If someone slips and calls me by my old name I don't get angry, mistakes happen.

Go easy on your family and freinds and be patient.

When I transitioned I had my transition plan, a time table of what I wanted to do. I stuck to it. I planned three years to allow hormones to have their full effect and to design my new life. I've been post op for nearly a year and now I finally feel "finished". Anything I do from here on it is pure vanity. You know, wrinkles, etc

I realized that living my life as a woman is when I finally felt happy and fulfilled. When I finally had my body conform to my own self image of who I am then I found peace and inner calm. It is so worth waiting for!

I wish you the best of luck.

Sarah

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hi to all....i am so happy now that i fine my special some one here in this site,,,,and i hope that he's the man that i am looking for... takecare all...
love you,,,

[(deleted)]

`i hope that special sumone is me.