Standards

[aaronw77]

This is my second post but doesn't fit with the other post I made so I decided to post a second topic. I know as an over weight Male with Disabilities that sometimes we can set are standards of what we are looking for to high. I lived 7 years of my life transitioning M2F but due to complications with Hormone replacement I had to quit taking the medications. During that time I know I was fairly attractive, and very passable, yet even then finding a partner was not a very good possibility. I wonder why some who are desperately seeking a relationship set their standards so high that they won't find anyone unless Fabio's image jumps off the cover of a harlequin novel and rushes them off too some tropical paradise driving in his Limo to the Airport to board his personal Aircraft. Were they will live happily ever after. Sadly there are very few people who are serious about dating a T-Girl, and even less that are ravishingly handsome. I hear so many complaints, "Why can't I find someone?", "Why does no one love me?" along with "It's so unfair." and the sad thing its the same people who want a guy with a 6 pack and an income of 100K a year are the same who say these things. I really wonder why?

[sunbear85]

`Those all seem like pretty shallow desires in my opinion and I wouldn't waste time feeling bad about it for a second. Physical attraction is necessary but in the long run it's the compatibility and love of both partners that will make a lasting relationship. Unrealistic standards have been set by books and film that very few can actually meet since it represents wishful thinking. I hate it when people complain about not finding a good relationship, when they've kept denying a good person intimacy because of shallow reasons. I deal with it quite a lot as a disabled vet with a little extra on the waist and needing a cane to walk. I don't feel sorry for people who get crushed by a relationship that ends badly because of unrealistic expectations and shallow wants. It makes me look at them and ask, "what the f--- were you expecting?". Many people SAY they want someone with compassion, empathy and respect yet deny people with these qualities for not having everything on their checklist for the perfect mate. Would I love being with a model and having everything be like a movie? Hell yeah! Do I think it will happen? I'm not holding my breath.

[(deleted)]

`In my opinion we all want different things from life and i suppose i could say i have everything i need but if i did it would be very close to the truth because i have all the material things i need and can buy more if i need to but the one thing that is missing is a special person to love me for who i am and that means now and after my op.

I never go near a transgender club or meeting of any kind because i regard those places as segregation from the rest of the human race and i will not be segregated as it is wrong (to me).

I always say i am nothing special in the looks department and i know that because i have to look in the mirror everyday but to me looks should not prevent anyone from finding love as i am not looking for a person who looks better than anyone else just an average man realy but a man who will not be ashamed to be seen out with me , i have said before i do get offers and i have yet another one this morning but just because i have my own home it does not mean i want to only see a person in my home i want to go to my local pub and days out ect just like any other person would do but it still seems i am asking to much .

The transgender world on the internet is way to far dominated by sex! it is what drives websites and keeps them going and all of the pictures of extremely gorgeous TGs/TSs that you see are there for a purpose and that is to attract men but you will never get to meet them in real life and the one thing that the people who run websites like this need to do is promote the profiles of the average transgendered females (the ones who are realy looking for a date and love) and untill that day comes we will always be stuck in this " i can't find love situation " and may aswell do as i have and just keep living life as best you can on your own because to me as long a i am happy with most of my life i say its much better than being totaly unhappy.

Aaron! you say you spent 7 years transitioning from male to female but had to stop medication! that does not mean you cannot live your life as the real you as if you revert back to who you were before you have wasted 7 years of your life . Nothing in this world could make me revert back to the useless wreck i used to be and i am not just saying this but if anyone or anything on this earth stopped me from being myself i would end my life because if i cannot be myself i would not want to be here at-all and i truely mean that as i have never been as happy with my life as i am rite now and knowone or nothing will take that away from me.

Julia.

[aaronw77]

`Hi Julia,

I don't look at any of the time I spent transitioning as wasted time. It was a learning experience, I know more who I am now then I did then. I realize I am still me that I didn't just die. Maybe if I hadn't had so many dreams and desires and goals to complete in life, then maybe I would have let it all end. Had I continued on Hormones the pains would have gotten worse, I was already having problems walking from leg pains, and heart palpatations that kept me scarred of a Heart attack. It was only a matter of time before I suffered from Heart Attack or a Pulmonary Embolism, neither of which I felt like having to deal with. To me continuing would have been a form of suicide. I love life far to much to ever do such a thing even if I have been through hell and back in life.

I could have continued to transition, and gone through surgeries without the use of hormones. However as I was making the choice to quit HRT, I thought about my situation, being disabled it would take me until about my 73 birthday before I would have had my surgeries complete. A little late in life to be going through such invasive surgeries. I rather enjoy my life then spend 70 to 90% of my life sacrificing everything for something that wouldn't really change me, physically yes, but nothing could ever change who I am inside, no matter what I will always be me regardless of what happens. No surgery can change that. I'm happy with life, but I do wish to meet new people, and perhaps find someone to love who will love me too.

[(deleted)]

`Hi Aaron.
I think you mis-understood my post.

I was saying that you as a MTF and not being able to continue with your transition does not mean you have to revert back to living your life as a male! "but" its what you seem to have done and you even discribe yourself as a male on your profile as it states "male looking for female".

If in you deep in heart and mind you know you are female you are not being true to yourself and to be honest any medical expert would seriously doubt your ------ity and with no disrespect you yourself are doubting it.

I would be interested to know if you were self medicating because if you were then let this be a message to anyone considering it "DON'T" it is dangerous because you need regular blood tests to make sure the hormones and blockers are not doing any iriversable damage to your body .

I hope things work out for you and as long as you are happy that is the most important thing.

All the best Julia.

[aaronw77]

`Julia,

It is because I would be dead right now if I continued taking Hormones. I have had 3 years of Psychotherapy before I started Hormones, I went through Gender Specilists, and was put through a barage of tests, I sat before 7 Gender Therapists and explained myself and who I am before I was given referals to an endocrynologist. I never self medicated. The thing is life was to precious for me to give it all up so I could appear outwardly as I am inwardly, I'm still me, my reflection may not be the reflection I wish to see, but I am alive and I can still complete other goals that are important to me in life. Sorry about my spelling, I only got a few hours of broken sleep last night.

[(deleted)]

`Hi Aaron.
As i have said before and always will say 'we are all different' but i my mind i have trouble understanding why after everything you have been through to become the female you and your gender specialists believed you are you believe that because you can no longer take hormones and go on to having surgery you have to basicly spend the rest of your life pretending to be a man , you can still live your life as a female if thats who you truely believe you are.

I am pleased i live in the UK as there has to be something seriously wrong with your gender identity system in the U.S! to me it makes no sense because if i was told by a doctor i could no longer continue taking my hormones and blockers i would still continue to live my life as me 'the female' because i would rather die than have to live the rest of my life pretending to be a male because untill my late 40s thats what i was doing 'living a lie' and the day came when i had to make a decision and that was be myself or die and i chose life!.

Recently i signed a document stateing i will live my life as the female i am 'untill death' and the reason for that was to obtain a birth certificate stateing my real --- 'female' ok some may say that is just a piece of paper but it prevents me from ever being able to return to my gender at birth , it is not possible for me to revert back even if i ever came to a situation like yours IE: having a bad reaction to hormones and to be honest it would make me physicaly sick to think i had to even think of ever wearing clothes made for males and having to use male changing rooms or male public tiolets (jons to you i think) and although it is not possable if anyone ever took my rights to be myself away from me i would end my life without giving it a second thought because i am far to happy with my life to ever even think about reverting back 'he is dead' and any records of his existance are gone because he never existed from the start.

Maybe for you it was just never meant to be as you regard yourself as a male 'in your mind now' and if you were well enough to have been able to continue taking your medication and then going on to have your op it seems it would have been a very big mistake.

As for having to see 7 gender specialists that on its own is saying some of them must have had there doubts too , it makes no sense to see that many unless 4 or 5 of them died whilst you were under thier care! do you have to pay these people? because if you do they are milking you for cash and if i was in your situation i would be taking them to court .

I am going to wish you all the best and hope the rest of life treats you well as the gender you are and always were and i hope you find the woman you are searching for.

Take care Julia.