(deleted)
|
![]() Posted: Post subject: The heart that wouldn't mend |
|
|
My name's Matt and I'm 23 years old.
Now when most people you talk to and decide to actually keep around you tell you what they define love as, well how mad do you get? Do you ever feel frustrated because they simply don't seem to have the same view on love as you? Just a simple question really no need to answer I suppose it was more of an opener.
About 8 years ago I fell in love with a girl and still to this day I can't seem to get my mind off of her, I have nightmares and night terrors. As the years went by my view on love soured and I grew to learn sadness and loneliness. Now I had girlfriends ever since the break up however my heart never seemed to be in it and I ended up breaking things off because of my own ineptitude of forgetting her.
We were together for about two years when she was hanging out with me and my friend best, she couldn't decide whom she wanted to be with, now I understand that when you are young things like this can happen, so in the end I left her because I view love as a no brainer.
If I commit myself to you, it is my whole being, I don't do things half assed and I give myself 200%. However a few months after breaking up with her this feeling in the pit of my stomach haunted me, I grew to be angrier and depressed. A few years later she was back with my best friend who I forgave. I have a big heart and I know how younglings do foolish things.
As I was saying, about 4 years later she hit me up again and she my best friend and I had an open relationship, I wanted to be with her so desperately I gave up one of my own beliefs, that love is only meant for one person, whether it is S-- or love. Needless to say it didn't end up working so well and my anger kept on escalating as my sadness.
Because she couldn't have me or my best friend she left us and actually ended getting pregnant by some random dude she met six months prior. She recently had a kid and to be honest...
I feel so angry and alone, I know it's stupid to keep on dwelling on her but I can't help this feeling of loss and I don't want to let go. I guess I just want to vent and reach a connection with other people who understand what I mean.
|
|
