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![]() Posted: Post subject: Dont forget the Intersexed... |
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I am a genetic female that has had gender identity AND s----l orientation issues since I can remember. I had a male twin that I lost at a young age. I suspect that has a lot to do with me feeling so crippled on my journey to self discovery. We never really seperated psychologically and even though physically he is gone it feels in a lot of ways like he lives on somewhere deep within my own psyche.
I had some suspicious medical issues at one point in time that pointed towards the possibility of my being intersexed. I put off having the necessary testing for a long time once the idea was introduced to me. I thought hey, hey this makes sense. It would explain a lot and I clung I suppose to that new rationality for a long time. Eventually I would come to learn that physically I am 100% female. I'm a tall, muscular female with a confident can-do attitude. But I am a female.
When I was a teenager I crossed with a great deal of success. As an adult for obvious reasons this is not as easy. A couple years ago I decided to live my life without ever really choosing. My answer to my gender will never be completely female, and my answer to my s----l orientation will never be completely straight. I feel that I am one of the true blue switch hitters. I am sort of like a radio station with a signal that fades in and out without probable cause or warning. I am very athletic. I hike, and kayak with any opportunity. I weightlift and do cardio religiously, and I am very career oriented. I also like to dress to the nine and am very domestic. I can be very assertive, I can be very passive. It just really depends. I'm just a very deep feeling, complicated person that would be very attracted to the same.
As far as dating I would have to classify myself as a Pansexual. I could see myself being with a person that had literally any combination of S-- organs without difficulty. However, what I think on most of all is finding a genuine intersexed person. Sort of my ultimate dream. I dont like to think in these terms because I feel it might show a sense of predjudice to other sexes. However, I am so attracted to the idea of people BEING intersexed and the feeling that a person that was born both male and female would have the grounds to fully understand me and where I am coming from. I dont want to be put in a box of behaving always a certain way and perceived as such. I change, I dont fit, and I want that to be ok. That certainly would be ok with me. I realize the bit of hypocracy here, because what we are striving to avoid is the assumption that someones S-- equates to a specific gender. Therefore, a persons S-- organs would not automatically equate to a person with a blended gender identity in the way I describe. I dont know, I just can't shake the feeling that there is this person out there that fits that exact description.
My time in questioning whether I was an intersexed person (internally obviously) left me really wandering why we never hear much about this group. There is a load of support and acknowledgement for MTF transexuals, and God love ya cause I know I do. Then there's some for FTM, and then almost none that I ever see for the Intersexed community. Perhaps its a matter of sheer numbers. I can't be sure.
At any rate, I would just like to say that this group of people matters to me a lot. As do all of you. Freut mich.
Bis dann,
Alex
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