I just don't know what to do anymore

[jimmyjam88]

I've been through hell this year. Earlier this year, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I was depressed and stuck in a rut. All I did was sleep, get high, and work. I was working 40hr/wk at taco bell, usually closing. That really takes a toll on ones mind and body. I was tired all the time.
One night, me and my gf of 2.5 years got into an argument and I said that I wanted a break. I didn't want to break up, I just needed a break away from her to get my head clear and straight because of my depression. She was destroyed. I also didn't know exactly what was going though my head at the time, which didn't help the situation at all. Long story short, we ended up breaking up twice. During those breakups, which lasted about 2 weeks or so each time, she almost started dating a guy I worked with. I thought he was my friend. I thought he was an awesome guy, funny, laid back, good personality, everybody liked him, etc. He was what I've always to be as a man. When she started dating him less than a week after we first broke up, I was so hurt. But we ended up getting back together and blah blah blah.
The last time we got back together, she was still friends with him and would hang out with him, a few times kinda blowing me off. I was terrified of this but I knew I couldn't control her and didn't want to. I trusted them both.

Then one night, she was going over to his dorm to watch a movie, get high, and get a tattoo from him. I really wanted her to come over after she was done hanging out with him because my dog had just been put down that day and I really didn't want to be alone. Well, she ended up staying over at his place. Again, to make a long story short, she ended up cheating on me that night. She told me they had just made out but the next week when she broke up with me, she told me the full story of what happened. I've never been the same since.

I lost 70 pounds, I was throwing up every morning because of the heartache, I lost my humor for a while, I was quick to snap, I said some pretty hurtful things to her and my boss(whom I was friends with and confided in), I changed so much and I hated the person I had become.

Nobody understood my pain. Sure some of them had been cheated on. But nobody got where I was coming from. A transgender man who's girlfriend cheated on him with the one guy he looked up to and wanted to be like. It was the most crushing thing I have ever experienced.

She's now living in Cali with him and I still love her. She knows this and she still loves me too. It's really a s---ty situation.

There's just so much more to the story than I can remember or describe without this getting any longer.
I want her back and I would take her back in the next year possibly. But then I always say the wrong thing and I fear I will never be with her again. Everybody says I'll find somebody new but I'm in a tough place to begin with. Plus I'm way too shy to approach a girl and I'm oblivious to when a girl actually likes me. I also never know what to say. I'm one of those shy, awkward, dorky guys that girls say they like but where the hell are these girls and why do most of them end up dating douchebags? Plus, how could I ever find somebody that will get me like she did? How could I be comfortable with someone new?

I don't know, life just sucks and I don't know what to do anymore.

[kimphne]

`I'm sorry Jimmy. And while you may have heard it before, and hard as it is to do, I imagine the only way forward is to move on; leave your former girlfriend and the past behind and begin anew.

Of course it will hurt, but gradually, much less than you're hurting now. Quite simply, to hold onto your ex-girlfriend and how things were, is pure masochism.

[xdarkloverx]

`The only thing I can say is time heals all. It will be rough. But if she truly wants to be with u, then she will come back. Be strong and brave. And try stay a friend with her. Show her u still care. Good luck

[phatcamp]

Watching someone you love, love someone else is really really hard and it hurts. The best thing you can do is remove all reminders of them and try and keep yourself occupied and distracted. St. Johns wort is also good for taking the edge off the depression.

[(deleted)]

`All you can do is give it time to heal. Cherish the memories you have and make sure your new view does not sour them.

[(deleted)]

`Recognize that there are 5 stages to grief:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance.

One could take as much or as little time at each stage, but the sequence itself is pretty much fixed. It looks like you are heading out of stage 3 and into stage 4 right now, so you have a ways to go, especially after matters compounded during a depressive episode. In some respects you have not had a chance to work through the cycle when you were hit again and that makes it worse the next time around.

But coupled with this is you own sense of self esteem that's beyond being shot down by your girl's infidelity. If you are not so outgoing, here are some things I might recommend:

1. Find a cause and volunteer. Do it as a hobby. You will meet new people under more neutral conditions.
2. Take time to walk, and to exercise however you generally do. Physical activity helps your heart and walking actually contributes to a higher level of intelligence according to one study a year or so ago.
3. Spend some time in meditation. Get comfortable with quietness. Silence is the mother of truth.
4. Look for a support group for depression. Since you have been through a compounded depressive experience, you would do well to talk to a therapist. There is no shame in this.
5. Don't stress over relationships while you are dealing with depression. Let the issues work out. Take whatever time you must.

[(deleted)]

I understand the pain, it sucks; but remember through it all you should still have the self respect to say yes or no for your sake. Yes, forgive others; yet at the same time leave yourself some room to chose to not take someone back who is just going to cheat on you. It will just cause more suffering for yourself.