PC with a TS ~ How to communicate with a Transexual politely

[lisaevecali]

First off, when talking or chatting with a male to female TS (transsexual), its very important to know (SHE) listens very carefully to the terms and words you use. Even if you knew HER from before SHE transitioned, it is not polite to refer to (HER) in male terms anymore. It hurts us when people do it. Some people knowingly use it to hurt us so we become a bit sensitive to it. Most people just don't know which terms to use. They want to say the right thing but are not sure what to say. Its always SHE or HER and so on with a male to female TS.

Many men that first chat with or talk to a girl like me make the same mistakes over and over. The worst is thinking they can go right into a conversation about what is in my pants or other very personal things. Many times on-line there is not even a hello first. They start with a question about what is in my pants. For most its not because they are trying to be dirty. It's a HUGE turnoff either way on many levels.

I was at a club call the Queen Marry when I first started going out dressed as a woman. A TG ( transgender ) club. A really great club that had been around since the 60's. A guy walked up to me one night and the first thing out of his mouth was a question. He was very good looking and seemed nice. The question was about what was in my pants and he asked it very bluntly. I asked him if he would ask the same sort of a question to a GG ( genetic girl ) that he just met and liked. He answered "No, of course not, I would probably get slapped and she would hate me". I asked then why did you ask me such a personal question right off, even before saying hello? He said, without a pause, "Its because your not a real woman, that makes you fair game" (his exact words "Fair Game" ) He knew I was upset and he walked away. I sat down and cried pondering my newly found place in society.

Another big mistake made over and over is to say what a turn on a TS is. Being reduced to a fet--- by a well meaning but h---- guy is awful and degrading. Many, if not most, doing this go right into a gay or bi s----l experience from their past or a list of s----l things they wait to do with a TS in the future. Not thinking for a moment that the TS might not want to be hearing any of it. I get very grossed out every time and upset.

We are seen by many, at first, as some sort of ride in some sick amusement park that they have built with their imagination. One reason its so easy for some men to lie to us is because we are just a fantasy to them.

We don't dress for s----l kicks. To a TS its not a fetish. Dressing as a woman is something we do everyday, before work, school or church. Its not fun and games its just life.

If you chat with a TS just think how a GG would react to your questions or comments. I know not all GG's will answer the same way but most men know that some things just don't fly if you want her to chat back with you.
If you have questions, make a connection with the person first. Chat about the weather or something normal in the beginning. Show us the common respects most people expect to be approached with.

If you do get to the questions, everyone does, then ask politely. The wording means a lot. The polite way to ask, what is in HER pants, if there is such a thing as a polite way, is "Are you post-op or per-op?" I think its a rude question altogether personally but many TS's don't. Post-op means you have had the surgery and pre-op means your still waiting to have it. Pre = before, Post = after. There is a Non-op TS as well, someone that for one reason or another, often medical reasons, can't have the surgery or does not want it. Again its "Are you post-op or pre-op?" Not so hard huh?

People are often surprised how easy it is to meet a TS at a club or on line. If you want to have fun in a very friendly club go to a TG club. We tend to be very open and friendly. With so little social acceptance at times, we tend to be far less judgmental about others. I find many TS's to be highly intelligent and can hold their own end of a conversation very nicely. There are a lot of very spiritual and some religious TS's as well. Many are political and well informed.

I guess in the end what I'm trying to say is its all about respect and thinking your actions and questions through first. For some reason respect and sensitivity seems to be the last thing on the mind of those curious about us. We are so far outside of the box that such normal pleasantries are not applied towards us. We on the other hand become quite sensitive to this disconnected thinking.

Just keep in mind that we are people first and transsexuals second.

Sincerely

Lisa eve

Here are some terms we use in T-World.

CD : cross dresser.
TG : transgender.
TS : transsexual.
GG : genetic girl.
SRS : s----l reassignment surgery.
GRS : gender reassignment surgery (same thing as SRS just more PC to some)
PC : politically correct.
WC : who cares hehe

[tonimarie09]

`Wow. That was really a great rant! I hope you don't mind me using it in the future?

[lisaevecali]

`I don't mind a bit. I hope its helpful.

[(deleted)]

`Great post. Very informative and guess that for most of us it is commom sense. Then again for some out there common sense is something they will never posess. x

[(deleted)]

This should be required reading for everyone. Outstanding, Thank you!

TJ

[msdelilah]

`Now this is an excellent post!

[(deleted)]

`One of the problems is that a lot of TG women will never entirely pass in society so they feel the need to have places to go with like minded people thus TG clubs. Its self segregation at its finest. You become to accustomed to ONLY being around those people like you that you too become intolerant and prejudicial against natural born girls or (intersex) people like me. I do not find TG communities that will accept me very often because to them Im an *outsider* and I don't know what its like for them blah blah blah...INTOLERANCE just like everyone else. If you want to be treated like a natural born women then why are you in a TG night club? For that matter, its not like we are treated very nice by a large segment of the population of men either. You are known by those you choose to associate with and hang out with. If you have obvious TG friends it will be assumed that you too are TG even if your not just like if you hang out with gang members, it will be assumed that you too are a gang member. This is common sense.

[(deleted)]

`It is indeed an excellent message, however (in my experience) the people who should read it, you know, the people lacking social and communication skills are often illiterate.

[(deleted)]

`I fully agree, with everything you said and how you said it. Great job!

[(deleted)]

`A lot of the issue is that people don't understand what it is, and have a hard time thinking outside the confines of simple male or female parameters. People are taught from an early age that (and to quote kindergarten cop here) boy have a -----, girls have a vagina. Which is all well and good if you're in kindergarten.

There is however, I think a middle ground in just about any subject. Dusk and dawn for example are times that exist between day and night, the Celtic holidays of Samhain (Halloween) and La Baal Tine (May day) exist between seasons, I think the transsexual/transgender exists betwixt sexes.

I don't see a man dressed as a woman when I see a pretty transsexual girl, I see a woman, just that simple.

Great post - I hope it's intended audience reads and works to understand the message you've tried to convey here, I'm just wondering though, if such things need to be explained to them, are they worth your time to start with?

[(deleted)]

Lisa eve,

Very well put dear, and I totally agree with everything you have written. It is always good to express that respect and human decency applies to everyone. No one should have to put up with the complete inconsiderate comments and questions you have had to experiance. I will say this about those types of people,,, they have no business in our life and I hope they get there XXX kicked. How shallow they are, I can't stand it.

Keep your head up high dear,,, there are many out there like us,, and sometimes it is hard to find them.

Alice

[(deleted)]

This is very good information. As a guy who has recently been messaging a post-op lady I've been a little nervous about saying the wrong things. While I know it's common sense to simply be respectful and treat her as the woman she is, I still worry that I might slip and say something stupid or hurtful. This gives me a much better prespective on how I can be more comfortable in a conversation without coming across as some ignorant idiot.

Thank you again for this wonderful information.

Tracy

[(deleted)]

Edited out for my own reasons.

[tealeigh1]

`Awesome read! Maybe if some guys read this I wouldnt b single!

[(deleted)]

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...